Imagine the one you are accusing is the falsehood in your own head.
SUSPICIOUS SUSPECT
She glares at him from across the room. He stares intensely at his phone. There is tension in the air between the two. He has never been so adept to recognize her emotions. She has never seen irregular text messages after 1130PM at night. The past few nights both know rest is not for the restless. Tossing and turning her emotions, she pretends to reposition herself. Her bedtime is early. So is his. Dawn calls them early. Before the crack of dawn, they rise to a routine of children, breakfast, and work preparation.
Every minute of sleep counts. He’s interrupting her sleep. Why all the texting near midnight!?
She can’t take it anymore. The anxiety of what he is doing. Never telling her. Never speaking about it. Never acknowledging. For the past month, her husband developed a new routine of late night texting, muffled conversations and constant checks. This behavior only starts when he thinks she is asleep.
She moves and gently opens her eyes. He catches her movement and quickly changes the view of his screen. She can’t see now. He looks nervous. As if she is going to confront him.
He locks his screen. When he thinks her eyes close again, he relaxes the view. She can see him. He changes his pass code covertly. She couldn’t believe he would do that without her noticing. I guess he thinks women are born yesterday. This has been going on for a while. The odd behaviors, the messages late at night, the late-night walk offs to the closet to have muffled conversations.
She thinks, “I’m done with this.” Sleep eventually gives way.
FIGHTING HER OWN FIGHT
The next day her husband comes in. “Good morning, Sweetheart!”
His wife scoffs.
Her husband wonders. Lost in his thoughts he cannot help but notice something is off. He leans in to kiss her.
“You’re in my way! I’m going to burn myself!” she shrieks as she moves to the oven.
“I apologize.” Her husband looks confused. She hasn’t opened the oven door. There is no heat threat. There is nothing happening but her walking about the kitchen island.
She moves to the oven to check on a baked breakfast item.
“That smells good. I like you try new things. It’s something I always value about you. Thanks for all your effort.” Her husband says cheerfully.
The words hang on dead silence. No response. Eventually the awkward moment gives way to children coming in. Happily, all three of them gleefully greet their parents. With eyes of adornment, an impossible vigor only youth could muster at 6AM and joyful chuckles for the last day of school who could blame them? The last days are always party days.
“Are you all ready to go to have your final day of school party!?” The husband cheers!
All the children celebrate as if the Super Bowl just happened. They must dance for almost ten minutes with their father before the wife interrupts the moment of joy.
“You need to tell them to eat! I didn’t cook this so all of you could let it get cold because you all want to play dance. Wake up earlier next time.” The wife cringes with every word.
Her husband stops dancing and in a soft voice says, “Babe the children are waking up every day the same time. We’re never late. It’s the last day of school. There’s no penalty if we show up late. Most kids aren’t even going to school. Are you okay?”
The wife’s eyes narrow. Her expression causes the corners around her eyes to crease. The creases crack energy through a dimly lit kitchen like lightning through a dark sky.
Her words thunder out from her mouth but her eyes lighting the air,
“No babe. I’m not okay. You waste all this time gleefully moving about. Handing out dance moves and jollying about this morning. Why don’t you focus on what needs to be done. You’re so inconsiderate!”
The husband doesn’t know what to say.
“I’m not inconsiderate…”
The wife interrupts, “Yes you are! I can’t sleep this whole month because of you! I don’t know what you’ve been doing late at night. But I’m not dumb. I’m not the schoolgirl you met when you were 17. Don’t play me for a fool.”
The husband breathes deep. He focuses on the children. He gathers their food into a to go container quickly and begins putting their back backs on.
“Let’s go before we’re late. Apparently, I’m inconsiderate even when I get assigned a work project in another part of the world, which forces me to lose 3 hours of sleep every night because it’s a twelve-hour time difference and my boss told me if I didn’t take it, I would lose my job. I didn’t want to stress your mother out because I know the last thing she needs to know is I’m on my last leg with my boss about not going overseas to stay here with my family. You all are more important than work. She told me no. I was forced to say yes under threat of firing. I’m applying for other jobs to stay here but in the meantime, I need my current job to pay the mortgage. I was just doing what your mother asked and now I’m paying the price.”
The husband walks out. The wife gets no goodbye kiss. No hug. No acknowledgment. Only the sting of her realization they should have communicated better.
The wife gets it.
She’s a stay-at-home mom with all the degrees in the world but zero work history for the last 14 years. Her husband didn’t want her to know he was on the verge of being fired. He was resisting an overseas work assignment because she said he must say no. She didn’t want to do the long-distance thing. Not with small children. That was the reason for changing the code on his work phone. He was caught between a rock and a hard place.
All she needed to do was ask for a reasonable explanation and ask to ease her conscience. The evidence she needed to believe him was so easy to provide. Threat of firing. She jumped the gun.
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU
Most people make assumptions. I am not innocent of this flaw. Most people I know make assumptions. Many make assumptions because they want to get ahead of negative consequences. Many are taught to avoid unnecessary hardship. Many are told to prevent unintended consequences.
Most are taught to desire no issues, no problems and no complications.
This desire makes us anticipate the future. It makes us want to apply wisdom from the past to prevent negative outcomes. Lessons learned are valuable items which broaden our understanding. No one asks for wisdom to go through something they ask for wisdom to avoid it.
These things sound great but this mind state can suck you into a negative spiral.
Most people make assumptions
This state of mind can push a narrative of presumption. Presumptions we think are right can be surprisingly wrong. Acting on presumptions happens because many tend to frame information to support a narrative. In the name of caution, prevention and protection we can destroy good things. We can offend people unnecessarily. We can label people bad despite the reality that future outcomes might be positive.
No one really knows what will happen tomorrow, but we tell ourselves we do.
After all, in this example above the wife told herself to be mad because her husband was inconsiderate. She had enough faith to realize he was not committing adultery but lacked faith for a reasonable explanation.
He was sacrificing his sleep for their family wellbeing. Fear prevented him from being open. Fear of reaction. Fear of conflict. Fear of something. Lack of communication was the issue here.
Upon departure the next morning she realized her error. Often, we only do this in retrospect.
How many people gather information, form their opinion, present their case to everyone else but fail to simply ask for a reasonable explanation?
OPERATING OFF WHAT YOU SPECULATE
Most people speculate. Most people don’t really know anything. The US criminal justice system allows for charges to be brought on suspicion through what is called “probable cause”. An indictment must be voted on by a grand jury. The grand jury consists of twelve people in Texas. To get an indictment, the prosecutor must persuade nine out of the twelve grand jurors that probable cause exists (2)
Probable cause is “the existence of such facts and circumstances as would excite belief in a reasonable mind, acting on the facts within the knowledge of the prosecutor, that the person charged was guilty of the crime for which he was prosecuted.” (3)
Most people speculate.
Through this whole process the party in question is not allowed to offer any explanation, provide any evidence to the contrary, or give any information omitted by the prosecutor. Remember, one party can frame anything it their own benefit. An indictment is not proof just asking for permission to go prove based on probable cause supported by the information one party presents.
The party the prosecutor goes after is a “suspect”. The root word of word “suspicion” is suspect.
I’ve mentioned before how suspicion is a sin, but not a crime.
To reiterate my favorite verses to determine my attitude towards suspicion and suspects I use the scripture below.
[49:12] O you who believe, you shall avoid any suspicion, for even a little bit of suspicion is sinful. You shall not spy on one another, nor shall you backbite one another; this is as abominable as eating the flesh of your dead brother. You certainly abhor this. You shall observe GOD. GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful. (2)
…they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions. (3)
If you take a more secular view, it is possible these verses might seem foolish because they negate red flags. The bible and Quran cite suspicion as sinful and another as evil. I personally believe that suspicion is a sin. Hence, I am not a suspicious person. I believe God will protect me from all bad events regardless of how it looks because in due time God will show me what something “is” not what I speculate it “is”.
This includes what people say about me in google search engines, book reviews and social media posts. All you need to ask me to explain myself. I am happily obliged to do this.
OPERATE OFF WHAT YOU KNOW
I do not operate off preponderance of evidence, nor do I operate off probable cause. I operate off clear evidence that what was done/said is true. This eliminates error.
In the example above I would argue (secularly) the woman had a preponderance of evidence and probable cause to suspect her husband was aloof.
Her husband 1) established a random behavior without explanation, 2) moved about in manner late at night which was irregular, 3) changed his code when he thought she would go through his work phone, 4) consistently had secretive conversations in a closet and 5) never mentioned what he was doing to her.
This behavior looks suspicious. Framing uses true information. To frame someone means to put true information in context to support a biased view. In our example she framed her husband as a person who was doing anything but sacrificing hours of sleep for his family.
This is the point I want to drive home.
I operate off clear evidence that what was done/said is true. This eliminates error.
The wife did not know anything. She only had information gained from her perceptions. She framed information to support her feelings. The information she had “why” he did what he did remained unknown. I have a similar experience I am currently going through. Accusers are attempting to frame information to support their narratives without considering the reasonable explanation to negate their narratives. This is both true on a business level and a personal level.
Both parties do not have any clear evidence the allegations against me are true; only probable cause based on the framing of key elements to support their argument. They are drawing conclusions based on presumptions of what certain behaviors appear to be, with actual true information to support it. They then frame it to support their view. Both believe they can prove it under the guise of suspicion but recognize it is not possible under the establishment of fact. This is precisely why both experience such great difficulty finding convictions. This is relevant to our wife and husband scenario.
I am going to quote Legal Information Institute directly here
“Beyond a reasonable doubt is the legal burden of proof required to affirm a conviction in a criminal case. In a criminal case, the prosecution bears the burden of proving that the defendant is guilty beyond all reasonable doubt. This means that the prosecution must convince the jury that there is no other reasonable explanation that can come from the evidence presented at trial. In other words, the jury must be virtually certain of the defendant’s guilt in order to render a guilty verdict. This standard of proof is much higher than the civil standard, called “preponderance of the evidence,” which only requires a certainty greater than 50 percent.” (4)
Remember, one party can frame anything it their own benefit…
In all instances there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why alleged things occurred. It can be supported by facts, evidence and even parties willing to testify the opposite of what is alleged. All the prosecuting parties must do is ask for a reasonable explanation of truth. Despite this option, no party is asking. The accusing parties are simply trying to prove their viewpoint without the reasonable explanation from the defendant. In the beginning narrative the prosecuting party is the wife and the defending party is the husband.
Do not be the person who convicts on maybe. It is both unjust and damaging to all parties. This includes the party making the allegation. It hurts the accusing party’s reputation, credibility and undermines trust. As we learn from our wife/husband example, the woman is not only wrong, but she has damaged the trust of their relationship erroneously.
Do not forget perfectly reasonable explanations often exist you just need to ask. If you need your conscience eased ask for evidence. Unfortunately, not all my secrets will be discovered in this free article. You must pick up a copy of my international best-selling book “I Made It Then I Didn’t” or order “Many Paths To Profit” for that.
The concept I teach in this article is free. My personal stories are not. Don’t let pennies get in the way of showing you something much more valuable than a dollar. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. No one should feel uncomfortable providing evidence to contradict a narrative. If it is not true, then it is easy to prove. I have zero discomfort proving my stance. Neither should you. The truth always comes out sooner or later.
To Your Knowledge Success!
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Sources
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” & Co-Author of “Many Paths To Profit” with the original shark from Shark Tank Kevin Harrington.
2) Texas Defense Law. General Law. Information & Indictment in Texas. Web Access 12/14/2023 623AM CST. Link: https://www.texasdefenselaw.com/library/information-indictment-texas/#:~:text=An%20indictment%20must%20be%20voted,that%20the%20defendant%20is%20guilty.
3) Akin v. Dahl, 661 S.W.2d 917, 921 (Tex. 1983) (citing Ramsey v. Arrott, 64 Tex. 320 (1885)).
4) Cornell University. Legal Information Institute. Wex. “Beyond A Reasonable Doubt”. Web Access 643AM CST 12/14/2023. Link: https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/beyond_a_reasonable_doubt
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Certain elements in this story may have been fictionalized to illustrate a creative story. This is a form of artistic expression not narration of fact. Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t” and Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. Christopher has opened over 7 businesses in his 15-year career. Christopher’s purpose is to take advantage of various market-driven opportunities. Christopher is a certified Master Project Manager (MPM), and Accredited Financial Analyst (AFA). Christopher previously held his Series 65 securities license examination and was a Master Financial Planner (MFP). Christopher also held his General Lines — Life, Accident, Health & HMO. Christopher has managed a combined 286mm USD in reported Assets Under Management & Assets Under Advisement. Christopher has work experience in 33 countries, raised over 50mm USD for various businesses, and grossed over 13.0mm in his personal career. Christopher worked in the highly technical industries of: biotechnology, finance, securities, manufacturing, real estate, and residential mortgages. Christopher is a United States Air Force Veteran. Christopher has a passion for family, competitive sports, fishing, martial arts and advocacy for entrepreneurs. Christopher provides self-help classes for up-and-coming entrepreneurs. Christopher’s passion to mentor comes from belief that entrepreneurs need guidance. The world is full of conflicting information about entrepreneur identity. See more at www.christopherklopez.com
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